Jack's Dilemma - LOST Fanfiction
by Lostfanaddict9930
Summary: Jack has the weight of the Island on his shoulders, or so it seems, but could he be struggling with something deeper? Jate/Jocke
1. Chapter 1

**Hi this is my first story i hope everyone likes i am a hug lost fan (kinda addict LOL) and i have a wild imagination (everyone says i am crazy LOL) so i thought that i would make my own story i spent a lot of time on the first chapter and i hope more to come :]**

 **===-===-+++ Jack's Dilemma: CHAPTER ONE (1) +++-===-===**

"Jack?"

Kate paused in the doorway. He was brooding again, alone as usual. She could tell by the slump of his shoulders, as if the weight of the entire world were rested upon them. _"Or, at least, the weight of the entire Island."_ She thought, to herself.

He continued to mope, apparently having not heard her. She watched silently, a brown lock of hair framing the side of her face. There was something different in him the past few days, something eating him like she hadn't seen before. It seemed as though there were some dark, secret thing which was churning in his stomach. Something she couldn't draw out, no matter how she'd tried.

"You can stop staring. I know you're there."

Kate blinked a few times, and smiled slyly. Stepping into the main room of the Hatch, she looked around for an excuse to be there. Something that wouldn't reveal her true intentions- That she only wanted to be closer to. . . him.

Her eyes settled on the record player, and she ambled toward it. "I just came to get an album for Charlie." She said, hoping it sounded convincing.

"That's the only record player on the Island, Kate. Unless Sayid managed to turn a coconut and some wires from the fuselage into a stereo, I don't think it's gonna do Charlie much good."

Kate paused, glad that her face was turned away so that he wouldn't see the wince on it. She was good at lying. But when it came to him, he somehow always knew when she was being deceitful.

"Okay. You caught me. I just came to see how you were doing." She spoke a little breathlessly, and hoped it wasn't noticeable.

"You sound a little out of breath. Why don't come sit over here and let me look at you." Jack said, his brow crinkled in a look of worry.

Kate complied, biting her tongue to keep from saying what was on her mind. That she never really minded the doctor having a good look at her. She almost wished he'd open a free clinic under some palm fronds so she'd have an excuse for a physical. She grinned a little at the thought, and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked, one hand resting on her shoulder, the other with his penlight shining bright in her eye as he checked her pupils for dilation. He clicked it off, looking at her expectantly for an answer.

"Nothing. . . I was just. Thinking." Kate blushed, hoping he wouldn't ask about what. Instead he just stood there silently, his eyes almost out of focus, averted and looking off to the side. She watched intently. Again, he seemed to be wrestling with something inside. Some feeling, or perhaps even. . . some desire?

His hand still laid on her shoulder. It was so strong. So capable. Kate felt her stomach grow weak as she let in the growing impulse she'd been unable to deny since the first time she laid eyes on the doctor. There was something about him, something so strong. How he talked her through her worries, fears. Maybe it was just the bedside manner in him, but she didn't believe it. There was something more.

Something she could no longer deny.

In a swift motion, one she'd developed in her many scraps and run ins with law enforcement, she grabbed his forearm and, had it been an attacker, she surely would've flipped him to the ground and given herself leeway to escape. But instead, she twisted him down to her. Lips pressing to his in one smooth motion, hunger unabated finally given the chance for relief, she moaned against them and eagerly took his bottom lip between her teeth.

She kissed him for what felt like a lifetime, stars bursting in her belly, excitement swirling in her heart.

It took her a moment, caught up as she was, to realize that he was not kissing her back. She felt fire flush beneath her cheeks, though not for the reasons she had anticipated. Breaking contact, he recoiled from her, and she could not look him in the eye.

"Kate. . ." Jack began, though he couldn't find the words to finish it. And neither could Kate find the words to reply. A moment of awkward, terrifying silence, which seemed to last two lifetimes longer than either would have preferred.

"I'm sorry." Was the only words she could find to say. She didn't understand. Had she led herself on?

Another pause ensued, before Jack spoke again.

"Look. . . Kate. I'm sorry too. I've been so. Lost. Since the crash." He paused, brown furrowed in frustration, trying to find the words to ease what he was going to say. "I'd be lying if I told you that there wasn't some feelings for you."

At this Kate knew what was coming. She turned her head, blinking hard to keep the tears from falling.

"But there's. . . there's someone else, Kate. And I can't keep fighting it."

And so it was out.

Tears streamed openly now, as Kate simply nodded and rose from where she was sitting. She couldn't bear to look his way. Feeling only the brush of his shoulder as she pushed passed him and left the Hatch.

Jack watched as she fled. The heat from her lips still tingling on his own. But they weren't the lips he'd so long longed for.

And he couldn't keep denying it any more.

 **===-===-+++END+++-===-===**

 **THANK YOU for reading i hope you liked it if enough people are interesting i will keep going thank you again for reading, god bless you :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**hell! this is the second chapter to my story and im glad people are liking it so far i hope you enjoy this chapter i manage to finish it just today :)**

 **===-===-+++CHAPTER TWO (2)+++-===-===**

Jack stood still. A mixture of emotions and feelings bubbling inside him. He felt terrible for Kate, and the truth was that he did have feelings for her. It was his fault she got in so deep. But what could he do? Lying to her would only hurt her more in the end, and he knew he couldn't hide his real feelings from her forever, anyway.

How would she take it? It wasn't the first time he'd wondered it. What if everyone found out? Of all the problems he'd faced since they crashed on this Island, nothing was as great as the struggle inside him.

He'd tried to be strong for everyone. He'd tried pushing it aside, even with Kate, he knew that at one point he'd hoped for something real with her. But the harder he tried to escape the feelings inside, the stronger they grew, and the more he knew he couldn't keep fighting.

But God, was it so forbidden. . . those raw, deep, undeniable desires. It was so wrong. He knew it. But he couldn't escape them. He especially couldn't escape the focus of those desires.

Jack felt the pit of his stomach convulse as he let them grow free. Why continue to fight it?

"NO!" Jack screamed at himself, a clatter of books and objects hitting the floor as he lashed out destructively.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't keep fighting, but he couldn't give in either.

"*beep*. . . *beep*. . . *beep*"

Jack's thoughts cleared themselves as the buzzer for the Hatch began to countdown. It broke him out of his brood, and he sidled into the computer room to enter the Numbers. But no sooner than he reached the doorway, he heard the distinctive clack as the counter reset itself. Inside, a figure was hunched over the dated model computer, finger freshly removed from the execute button.

Locke.

The one man whom Jack desperately did not want to see. Not now. Especially, not now.

"You sound like you're having a bad day." John Locke spoke, his eyes never leaving the counter as it began it's cycle again.

"It was my turn." Jack said, ignoring the both the older man's statement and eyes, as he finally turned his gaze toward Jack.

"I was in the neighbourhood." Locke replied with a soft grin, his eyes crinkling warmly as he went around the desk to face the doctor.

Jack kept his eyes averted from the man, instead letting them fall to Locke's side, where hung an impressively oversized, and always present Bowie knife.

Locke followed his gaze and affixed his eyes on the weapon at his hip. It was dripping slightly, leaving small red drops on the floor.

"I was hunting." He said, as Jack once again switched the focus of his eyes to somewhere else. "Are you okay, Jack?" Locke began, but was interrupted almost immediately.

"Hunting what, Locke?"

"Boar."

Locke's reply came almost as quick as Jack's interruption. Jack shifted from the doorway and retreated back into the main room, where Locke followed, cleaning his blade with the corner of his shirt as he did.

"You didn't answer."

Jack paused, barely glancing over his shoulder as he spoke. "I just want to be left alone, John."

Locke nodded serenely, though Jack couldn't see it. He smiled again and walked closer behind the younger man, placing his hand on his shoulder. "I understand, Jack." He said softly.

"Do you, John?" Jack asked, turning to face the huntsman.

"Yes." John began. "You know out there in the jungle, when it's just you. And you're hot, and sweating. Sitting there by yourself, covered in mud and filth. Nothing to eat but. . . caterpillars, and moths. Eyes fixed on the snare in the clearing. Waiting. Hoping the growl of your belly doesn't scare off the boar you tracked down. And you're alone, Jack. Just you and the boar."

Jack's brow furrowed in confusion. "I don't get it, Locke. What does that have to do with anything?"

Locke smiled again. It seemed as if a whole world of wisdom and patience hid itself behind his eyes.

"Jack. . . have you read Thoreau?" He paused only for a moment, before continuing. "Thoreau once wrote, that 'I never found a companion, that was so companionable as solitude.'"

"Something to think about, Jack." Locke smiled, patting the doctor on the shoulder and turning to leave.

Jack watched as he walked away, Locke's words tumbling in his ears. Even despite their disagreements, it seemed as though the old man always knew what to say. . .

 **===-===-+++END+++-===-**

 **thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed this chapter i dont know when i do the next one but i am really enjoying it so far and i hope you all do too thank you again shalom! :) :)**


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